Vraiment, Vous Ne Skiez Pas? Vraiment?
by Fairy Lights and Disco Fights
Summary: The casts of 'So Random' and 'Mackenzie Falls' go on an all-expense paid trip to the French Alps with Mr Condor's private ski resort. The only problem: Sonny can't ski. Channy! Summary sucks, I'm sorry!  T for language and possibly future chapters.
1. Prologue

**Bonjour! This is a multichapter which is Christmas-themed, but I'm starting it now so I can get it done by Christmas.. Heehee. **

**SPOV**

_13__th__ December_

_10:45am_

Hurriedly stuffing thick jumpers and woolly tights into my suitcase whilst simultaneously brushing my teeth with my phone pressed to my ear, I whizzed around the apartment trying to find anything and everything that I would need to go skiing.

Because this Christmas, instead of going home to Wisconsin like I'd planned, I had been roped into coming on a Christmas ski break to France with the casts of the two major shows at Condor Studios: So Random! and Mackenzie Falls.

Fun. Spending two weeks in a foreign country with our rivals. I _don't _think so.

Which is why I was packing. Our flight was leaving in four hours and I had to be at the studios in an hour to be escorted to the airport with everyone else, therefore I was in a rush and had only woken up ten minutes ago.

My phone, clamped to my ear, was currently ringing Tawni. Because Tawni had promised a loan of some of her old ski gear, considering I had never been skiing before.

I was excited, but terrified.

Finally, she picked up. I could hear a car engine in the background as her voice tinkled into the speaker.

"I'm coming, Sonny! Two minutes!"

And she hung up on me.

I rolled my eyes and went to fetch my boots from in the hall closet before changing into a pair of brown Juicy sweatpants, a green sweater, and beige Uggs. I brushed my hair out and applied some lipgloss and mascara before shoving my makeup bag in with the rest of my clothes just as the doorbell rang.

I opened the door, and Tawni walked in, holding three pink laundry bags and a box.

"Woah, Tawni! What's all this!" I gestured towards her full hands.

"Ski gear? Duh." She rolled her eyes before depositing them on the sofa. "That's the coat, that's the salopettes, and that bag… Uh, extras." She moved to the box. "And that's a helmet. Tootles!" With a brief wave of her fingers she was out the door, leaving me to discover what lay in the depths of the fuchsia carriers.

Tentatively, I undid the drawstring of the 'Jacket' bag. In it was a lurid black and yellow widely striped jacket, with yellow sequins covering the yellow stripes. The lining was neon orange, and it was overly padded, with about fifty zips and buckles covering it. After looking at it for about five minutes, I hesitantly put it aside, hoping that the trousers would be slightly better.

I reached for the next bag, pulling out some white salopettes. At first glance, they looked fine…

…That was until I flipped them over and saw the neon orange swirls on the back of the legs, going right up to the waistband. Again, these were embroidered with yellow sequins. The pants weren't as bad as the jacket, but…

Soon I was dreading to open the other bag, full of 'Extras' – as Tawni had put it. First I saw a pair of simple, plain black ski gloves with neon pink linings. I sighed inwardly in relief as I triple-checked them for any secretive sequins, only to find that they were simple and black, with a shiny black star on the back of the hand.

Next were the goggles – lime green with a black strap. Surprisingly, I liked them, even though they would clash with the rest of the outfit (although personally I don't think that I could look any worse). Then a black snood and a collection of multi-coloured ski socks.

I picked up the helmet box, gently shaking it. I lifted the lid to discover a black helmet with a lime green racing stripe. Picking up the garments, I went back into my room and stuffed them into the empty pat of my suitcase. After much struggling (and having to sit on top of it), my suitcase zipped up and I latched the helmet onto my carry-on tote before heading out the door and driving to the studios.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When I got there I discovered that the rest of my cast were sat in the enormous Hummer limo, half occupied by Randoms and half by the cast of Mackenzie Falls. I checked my watch to find out I was exactly on time, and as I went to Marshall to 'register' I heard Ronald, the Mack Falls director, mumble something angrily about the absence of Chad.

I deposited my case with the limo driver and followed Zora into the back of the limo and flopped down on the plush leather seats. The Mackenzie Falls cast were gossiping at the other end, occasionally sniggering towards us. We were sat in a giant 'Lady Macbeth' shape, and unfortunately I was closest to them and so heard what they were gossiping about. Apparently it was Portlyn's new boob job. Fantastic.

I smiled at the rest of my cast. Tawni had her compact out and was topping up on Coco Mocho Coco, Nico and Grady were compiling a pile of the free snacks in the limo, and Zora was fiddling with some sort of device that kept beeping every few seconds. I took out my iPhone and turned towards Tawni, putting the headphones in and pressing shuffle. Muse flooded my ears, and soon all noise was blocked out apart from 'Neutron Star Collision'.

I felt the seat next to me sag slightly, and I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Chad. First of all, he was the one we were waiting for, and secondly, it was his smell that entranced my nostrils. The smell of a mixture of cologne, ego and leather – I could tell without looking that he was wearing his brown leather jacket – that was annoyingly enthralling and made me want to kiss him every time I smelt it. Which, let me tell you, is possible the most irritating thing on the face of the earth. Aside from the jerkthrob himself, of course. (He must have bought it especially for that purpose. I mean, why would anyone else kiss him? It _certainly _couldn't be his 'charming' personality.)

And thirdly, I knew it was him because the limo stuttered, then jolted, and then I could feel the steady vibrations of the engine as we started the half an hour long journey to L.A. Airport.

**Did you like it? How about the amount of reviews I get for this chapter alone will decide the amount of Channy in the rest of the story? So 1-10 = average amounts, and 10-20 = EPIC CHANNY! :D**


	2. Chapter 1

**Awww, thank you for the reviews! My request was pretty unreasonable, but review.. pleeease? :D There's a bit of language in this one… so sorry **

**SPOV**

The airport was a bustle of movement and noise, even in the morning. After checking all our bags in and passing through security, there was little time to look at the duty free shopping before heading to the departure lounge and boarding.

Flying commercially was one of things that Tawni kept moaning about, who kept following me persistently and insisting that she could have got her pink private jet. I, not being a morning person, chose to ignore her and soon plugged in my iPod just before we were informed we were soon to be boarding.

And we were in first class! Eeep. I don't think I've ever been so excited.

My seat was next to Nico, and near the window. I had just got settled when Grady approached me and asked if I could swap seats with him, which I happily agreed. That was, until, I realised that he was sat next to…

Portlyn.

I cautiously walked over to my new seat, gently gesturing towards the Marc Jacobs tote sprawled across it. With a glare of her smoky, heavily lined eyes, she dumped the bag carelessly under the seat in front of her before tossing her glossy mahogany hair over her shoulder and leaning across the aisle to chat with one of her co-stars. Tentatively, I sat down, being careful not to touch her as I shuffled around in my bag for a book to settle in before takeoff.

Soon we were up in the air, and Portlyn was still talking across the aisle. I checked out the screen on the back of the plushy seat in front: there were a selection of films and games to play, and I chose to watch Mean Girls, which, although I had watched hundreds of times before, seemed like a good choice.

Plus, spending two weeks with the Mackenzie Falls cast, it seemed like I need some tips on how to bring down the 'queen bees' etc. Mwahahaha. Like 'lovely' Portlyn, who was currently tapping away on her cell phone.

"Excuse me, miss, but during flight we would appreciate it if you would turn your phones off." The air hostess smiles irritatedly down at Portlyn, who just rolled her eyes before shoving it back in her back and reaching for her iPod and plugging it in. With another glare at me watching her, she shut her eyes and pressed a button which immediately made the privacy screen ascend, removing her from my line of vision.

Well. She seemed like a girl of little words. I'm so sad I never got to know her.

Not.

After a couple of hours, New Moon and three episodes of So Random later, I felt sleepy and pulled the window cover down, covering myself with the scratchy airline blanket (even though we were in first class!), adjusting the seat and snuggling into the soft-smelling leather of the wide and comfortable armchairs of First Class.

Sleep quickly smothered my mind, and soon I felt myself falling into a dark, icy cavern. I looked down at my feet to see a pair of pointed skis. The cavern opened up to reveal a cold, white strip.

I was on a ski piste. Suddenly, a gust of wind propelled me from behind and I was thrust downhill uncontrollably. My arms were flailing, my mouth open, but no scream was coming out.

I crashed into a lump of what looked like snow until I was buried deep. Every time I tried to scream, snow filled my mouth and I was suffocating…

I awoke with a start to the sound of the seatbelt sign pinging. One thing was for sure, I _wasn't _looking forward to the skiing part of the holiday.

o0oThe hotel we arrived at was beautiful: tucked into the French Alps near the border of Italy, it had all the characteristics of a chalet and a five-star spa resort rolled into one.

I rolled my suitcase up to the door. Or should I say, _doors_ – they were made of a sheer, glossy glass-like substance that was very light and easy to open. I thanked the doorman before heading to Marshall to get the room key.

I was in room 314, sharing with Tawni. We had sorted out the room arrangements on the way here, in our coach, and we were easily paired up. With the exception of Zora, who was in a room on her own because nobody really had the balls to share with her.

I had also discovered on the way here that I was the only person out of both the casts that could not ski.

The ONLY person. Out of ten people.

It was terrifying. I was going to have private skiing lessons because of it. On my lonesome.

Tawni, being Tawni, could afford to go skiing every Christmas, so her parents jetted her off to places like Aspen where they owned their own lodge. Chad, and the rest of the Mackenzie Falls cast, were much the same, with similar snobby, rich, stuck-up backgrounds. Nico and Grady learnt to ski when they were eight, together, and although they hadn't been skiing in a couple of years, they knew how to do it, and were pretty confident. And Zora – well, Zora had only been dry skiing, but before that had learnt the 'physics of skiing' (as she put it) and was pretty much a pro.

So I am the only one who has no clue how to ski. And knowing me, I'll be too terrified to even get on a ski lift.

Once we got to the room, there was an envelope of one of the queen-size double beds reading 'To the Condor Party'.

"Should we open it?" I glanced at Tawni, who was already opening the envelope with her carefully manicured nails.

"Ooh! It's a party invite!" Her eyes lit up at the mention of 'party'. I rolled my eyes.

"When?" I checked my watch: it was half past five.

"Tonight! At half past seven! Shit! I need to get ready!" Tawni dashed off towards the bathroom, and five seconds later I heard the shower running. I presumed she had already unpacked, so I set to work unpacking myself.

o0o

Two hours later, Tawni and I found ourselves doing last-minute check ups on our outfits in front of the massive mirror in out bathroom. Of course, we had to be 'fashionably' late, so after much lip-gloss applying, Tawni was ready. I was at her side, arms folded over the slightly more revealing dress than I was used to, glaring into the mirror.

Tawni looked dazzling, in a black satin dress that tightly hugged her figure and ended a good few inches above her knees, sprinkled with hot pink and silver sequins, glitter and beads. The dress was strapless, and had a matching silver bolero. I her hands was a hot pink clutch matching the pink satin platform stilettos on her feet, embellished with pink, sparkly bows on the toes.

The outfit was very, very Tawni. We exited the room and I tentatively made my way down the corridor, trying not to wobble in my perilously high heels. The dress that I was wearing was wine-coloured and made of what looked like satin but was probably polyester, and the thick straps that lay on my shoulders kept slipping down. The necline was a careful and shallow 'v', with a shallow slit down the middle, showing off a bit more cleavage than I would have liked, hence the fact that I was crossing my arms across my torso. The dress was tight, and tapered around my knees, giving me a slight waddle as I walked. My shoes were patent black t-bar heels with a ruffle – usually, I'd be fine walking in them, but with the dress as well, I was pretty sure I resembled a penguin as I made my way down the stairs and into the third ballroom (yes, THIRD ballroom) where the party was being held.

**Sorry for the boringness and lack of Channy, but next chapter will be from Chad's POV so review, m'kay? And sorry for the wait. I promise the next wait will be considerably shorter! :D**


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